Anorak News | Hot Off The Press

Hot Off The Press

by | 18th, July 2006

HOT isn’t it. It’s so hot that the weather is front page news.

The Star had wanted to tell its readers about the troubles in the Middle East but it is so hot that it goes with a shot of mo-del Zuzana in a pink bikini instead.

“We’re in for hottest day in 100 years,” says the front page. And inside readers are told how to “beat heat”. Top tips include freezing your underwear, sticking packets of frozen peas on your head and drinking a lot of lager.

And you can go to the beach. The Mirror looks at “A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A BEACH”. For reasons unexplained the job of watching Brighton beach from 5am to 10am goes to the paper’s “science editor”.

Perhaps he fancies himself as bit of a David Attenborough, and we imagine him peering at the goings on from behind a huge plastic rubber fern he’s brought along to help him blend in.

In hushed whispers, he tells us that temperatures could reach and even exceed 100 degrees. It’s a “TON IN THE SUN,” says the Sun.

The Sun says that yesterday, 15,000 people were on the beach of Bournemouth frolicking in the sea, sunbathing on the sands and behaving recklessly. You see, they are all going to suffer.

“DON’T RUB IN SUNCREAM,” commands the Mail’s front-page headline. A charity called RAFT, the website of which says it deals with skin cancer, reconstructive, plastic and burns surgery, has issued some advice.

Although suncream stops the skin burning, rubbing the lotion in encourages people to lie in the sun for longer and expose themselves to more “dangerous radiation”.

The advice is to apply the cream in a “thick ‘buttery ‘layer’”. You might look like an open sandwich, but you will live to see another summer.

And you might even bump into, and slide off, Zuzana…

Posted: 18th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink