Nikki’s Simple Life

Nikki is the new Paris Hilton. No, scratch that. Nikki is the UK’s new answer to Paris Hilton – in much the same way that Holby City is the UK’s answer to ER, Robbie Williams is the UK’s answer to Justin Timberlake, and Chessington World of Adventures is the UK’s answer to Disney Land.

Nikki is to star in a new TV show in which she will perform proper jobs. Just like Paris Hilton in The Simple Life, Nikki will mingle with the real people, the reaple, as Anorak knows them.

As a model/dancer/reality TV star Nikkki will appear on our screens doing such humble jobs as collecting rubbish and cleaning. This is major step down for the woman whop was once employed as a, er, shop assistant at Harrods.

But Nikkkkki is now a star, and her hissy fits and strops mark her out as someone special.

Although the show might have to wait. Nikkkkkki could be re-entering the house – not to clean it but to star in it.

So sad and tired is the show, so devoid of characters, fun and entertainment that the Star says Nikkkkki could be on her way back in.

It’s been almost two weeks since Nikkkkkkki was evicted and in that time nothing has happened. Save for the raw excitement of breathing and sleeping, we have the housemates wash, eat and, er, did we mention the breathing?

Something is needed to enliven the moribund show. And that something might be Nikkkkkkkkki.

And it has happened before. Back in BB4, the show was so utterly awful that Jon Tickle, a geek, was voted back in by fans.

And if Nikki goes back in, she would get back with Pete. Incidentally, Nikki says Pete’s manhood is “the size of my leg” – which given the tiny size of Nikki may or not refute rumours that Pete is well endowed.

Whatever the size, feel the quality. Nikkkki just adores her Pete. “His mum and my mum have become good friends and they’ve gone out for meals together, so I’m clearly going to stay very good friends with Pete,” says Nikkkki. “

And, who knows, perhaps they can team up and Pete can be Nicole Richie to Nikki’s Paris Hilton. He’s about the right girth…

Posted: 27th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink