When No Means Slow

SLOW news day? Not to worry, you can always issue the denial. The no-news rebuttal is the mainstay of the celebrity press.

And the Enquirer is a hotbed if news on things that will not happen.

“Angelina tells Brad SHE WON’T MARRY HIM!” screams the front cover. The mixed fonts reflect the up and down nature of this headline announcement.

“He says NOW. She says NEVER,” trills the smaller headline positioned over a big shot of Angelina and smaller head shot of Brad. The inference is that she is in charge – the bigger star – and when she says “no”, no it is.

And then there is the associated news. Rule 59 of Hollywood reporting states that all stories featuring news of Bradgelina must make mention of Jennifer Aniston.

But not every day can being news of Jen’s new movie or a wonder product that can get her hair even straighter, which means a denial is needed.

So brace yourselves for the sensational news: “Jen Calls Off Plan To Elope!” Once again there are interesting fonts, reflecting the headline nature of this non-event. The exclamation mark adds finality.

Jen will not elope. This is not to say she will not elope in the future. She might. Or, as the denial will tell us, she might not.

Just like Angelina, Jen is in charge of her relationship. If she says no than boyfriend Vince Vaughn will just have to wear it. No ifs. No buts. No denial.

Posted: 2nd, August 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink