Anorak News | Queen Of Tarts

Queen Of Tarts

by | 10th, August 2006

WHAT with her blonde-ish hair, choice of lawyer and patronage of a landmine charity, Heather Mills could be the new Princess Diana.

If only she’d give an interview with Martin Bashir and tilt her head to one side in the manner of a demure budgie we could all take her to our hearts.

But it is not to be. The dye is cast and it has been decided that Heather is not someone we should like.

On the Mail’s front page we see Heather on her way to a meeting with her lawyer, Dr Anthony Julius. Heather wears a pair of white trousers and an equally white waistcoat over bare skin. It’s a tragic outfit, suggesting to us that Heather’s mind is a whirl and that she is letting her appearance go.

But the Star employs a psychiatrist to tell us that the outfit is a deliberate choice. Heather’s clothes say she isn’t “going to be intimidated by £1,000-an-hour Julius”. His rates might well have doubled (the paper had him on £500-an-hour yesterday), but Heather’s Status Quo-chic will put him in his place.

Or not. The Star’s woman in the know says Heather’s “spangly, disco vest top” “backfired badly”. “Wearing a scruffy top was both disrespectful and arrogant,” says this shrink.

So Heather puts on something else. And the Sun spots her dressed in a pair of shabby blue trousers and a grey velour top. She’s cycling along the promenade at Brighton. Like Diana, Heather’s outfits are big news, and she likes to keep fit.

The Mail, which sees the same scene, says the picture is “loaded with symbolism”. Heather is joined on her ride by two minders. And she is paying for them out of her own pocket.

What this symbolises is pretty unclear. Heather is paying for her own protection and that suggests a new freedom from estranged husband Sir Paul McCartney? Or are two minders on pushbikes symbols of a woman desperate to be noticed?

And then there is the nickname. While Di, allegedly, had extra-marital affairs and was called “Shy Di”, “Princess of Hearts” and “squidgy”, Heather, who has remained faithful throughout her marriage, is “Lady Mucca”.

And the Mirror leads with a front-page story on “THE REAL LADY MUCCA”. Dianna Karmal, the sister of Heather’s first husband Alfie Karmal, says Heather “creates a persona for herself to fit the situation”.

The “dumpy girl” was “prone to lying”. “She was a complete fantasist.” “She had terrible hair and was nothing like model material.”

She’s nothing like Diana at all. Not one bit…

Posted: 10th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink