Anorak News | Carbs & Copy

Carbs & Copy

by | 14th, August 2006

ON Monday we saw that Victoria Beckham had removed her hair extensions.

These things can be heavy and without them Her Poshness looked lighter than ever.

There were rumours that if Vicky removed her sunglasses and lip gloss she would blow away. It’s not just her family that keep her grounded.

Vicky needed ballast. And husband Day-vid had just the thing. It was called food. And not just any food, but what the Mail called a “carbohydrate-laden diet”.

Since no-one who isn’t a celebrity or an American has a clue what a carbohydrate is, let alone how you pick one and cook it, we were awestruck and impressed.

But carbs it was. And carbs – don’tyerknow – are what Vicky needs to make babies. Vicky and Day-vid were trying for baby No. 4.

It has been reported that Vicky wants a girl and has been saving all her old clothes to give her offspring a fighting chance in life.

Vicky had best succeed in her mission or else young Romeo could well be seen about town in years to come dressed in a black bodice, silver Dolce and Gabbana greaves and stapled on hair.

But Vicky and Dayve usually get what they want so a girl is likely. And in years to come young Davtoria may well turn to her mother and say: “I see myself as a mini-mummy. I kind of have this image that anything you can do, I want to do better.”

That’s what Princess Beatrice was telling her mother Sarah Ferguson on Tuesday. It was a noble ambition. And we look out for Bea trumping her mother’s many notable achievements – getting her hair redder, her children’s helicopter to soar higher and her boyfriend’s toes to be longer and fuller to the suck.

And making her lemons more lemony. On Wednesday we got an insight into what carbs might be. The Star told us that to increase her chances of giving birth to a girl, Her Poshness was sucking on lemons.

And she might even be sucking on one when she meets Suri Holmes-Cruise. Victoria and David Beckham have been invited to gaze upon the girl child. But that is pretty much all.

The Star said that Tom Cruise has decreed that his guests observe a set of requests.

As the doctrine of Scientology says, parents are forbidden from “fawning” over their children or taking photographs of them during their first few months on planet Earth. And the rules extend to their relatives and guests.

As a source said: “David and Victoria are honoured that Tom and Katie have asked them along.” Indeed. The source continues: “Apparently they can’t take any photographic equipment, they’re banned from touching Suri and they’re not allowed to do any baby-talk around her.”

And: “It will be very difficult for Victoria, because she loves babies.” For sure. But Victoria must take care when she talks, especially to Day-vid, lest Suri become “mentally unstable”.

That would be terrible. Although mental upset can have as much to do with inherited traits as nurture. Although it’s nothing that carbs cannot cure…

Posted: 14th, August 2006 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink