Crusty Love

Remember when Big Brother was a game show? The aim was to win loadsa money. Now the producers might as well give the £100,000 first prize to Nikki and Pete’s PR.

Not that the spin shysters will have much work to do. It might be that Nikkkkkki and Pete are the genuine item. Although as Anorak Tower’s resident agony aunt Karen says: “You’d get off with anything after 12 weeks in house – even Nikkki.”

Yes, even Nikkkkki. Is Nikkki attractive? Not really. She has a face like a dried raisin, a kind of Sunmaid Albert Steptoe in gold hotpants. It’s like God thought about making another Vanessa Feltz but thought better of it.

And Nikkkkki looks needy and clingy. She also looks like she smells of heavy foundation and bad breath. Neither are a good thing.

But then what about Pete. Looking past the w****** and the twitches, Pete has offered less and less. Look at him closely, and Pete is just a crusty tree-hugger from Brighton.

Pete’s the kind of person who taps on your car window ands tell you to “Chill”. He’s the kind of person who wears German beachwear (cotton trousers with elasticated waistbands).

Pete’s the kind of person who plays the bongos in the park while his make “Matt The Talc” blows into his pan pipes and some girl with a green starburst tattoo round her navel and dirty feet smirks at everyone walking by.

Together Nikkkkkkki and Pete make an unlikely couple. But their love seem genuine enough – until they get out and Pete can no longer stand the smell and Nikkkki meets Reading FC’s reserve goalkeeper…

Posted: 15th, August 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink