Pack It In

FOR those of you who have been locked up in the Big Brother house, lost at sea or living in a bunker in northern Israel, the Times once again publishes advice on how to pack your luggage.

Since an alleged terrorist plot to blow up ten airplanes was uncovered not a day has passed without the papers telling travellers how to pack.

In today’s “HOW TO PACK”, readers are told how in the finest traditions of investigative journalism a Times writer packed a case which met current baggage restrictions.

“Items: a pair of troupers, a dress, two shirts, a tracksuit top, three sets of underwear and socks, three ties, a pair of shoes and a small washbag. But with a laptop one of the shoes would not fit.”

Mindful of the so-called shoe bomber Richard Reid, we fear for this writer’s future. Travelling with a laptop and just one shoe in a period of heightened security is asking for trouble. And it would not surprise us if the nameless hack is right now researching a feature on life in Camp Delta.

But we are here to learn. And the writer presses on. He or she (note: both trousers and dress were packed) advices travellers to pack “heavier items first”. “Fold trousers by lining up legs evenly, placing them lengthways… The same can be done with dresses.”

Now things are getting interesting at customs. A lone traveller. A single shoe. A dress with legs, doubtless with pressed creases down the centre. (“Preparation: Press all clothes first.”)

And now we hear that we should “be tactical”. We should “wear the heaviest trousers and shoes you are taking and keep your suit jacket or coat with you”.

It is August. You are now overdressed and very probably sweating profusely. Though the advice stops short of telling you to wear all your clothes and to avoid clashing colours and fabrics by covering the meaty ensemble with a uniform burka, we fear it is coming.

And that you are going into that back room to be searched. And the authorities might just find where you’ve stowed your other shoe…

Posted: 16th, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink