Sharon Osbourne Asks

FOR anyone on Hillbilly Heroin, or indeed any kind of medication, TV’s new The Sharon Osbourne show is required daytime viewing.

The demented-Pixie-voiced professional mum was on telly in conversation with Penny Lancaster, girlfriend to Rod Stewart.

Sharon introduced her guest by way of a question. No, not, “Who wants to see Rod’s latest blonde and hear about her baby?” Rather: “What’s smooth, hot and so long it makes women wince just to hear in the inch measurement?”

Clue: it’s not Sharon’s script. So it must be “Penny Lancaster’s legs”.

Penny’s legs duly arrived, bringing with them the rest of Penny. And there’s a pictures of Penny and Sharon having a cuddle in the Mirror. And once separated, Penny confided to Sharon, and her tens of viewers propped up on pillows and OxyContin, that her son Alistair is “an angel”.

He’s: “Naughty, very funny and he brings a sparkle every time. I can’t wait, if I’ve been out for an evening to see him.”

And ditto Rod, of whom Penny says her little bundle of blonde highlights and Spandex is so very much like.

And there is to be another one. Once Penny and Rod have married – the Mail says he has bought a £3.5million southern French villa for just this purpose – they plan to try for a baby.

“Yes,” says Penny, to Sharon’s question on this matter, “we plan a brother or sister after the marriage.”

Then the Lancaster-Stewarts can grow up to be like Sharon’s own delightful children Jack and Kelly. Only with longer legs…

Posted: 30th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink