Anorak News | Lindsay Lohan’s Lake Of Fire

Lindsay Lohan’s Lake Of Fire

by | 8th, September 2006

“I CAN show her that redemption is possible through God’s love.”

Don’t panic. This isn’t Mel Gibson talking about his new movie: The Passion of the Christ: The Rehab Years & Other Jews.

It’s Lindsay Lohan’s jailbird father Michael Lohan. Michael is in Collins Correctional Facility near Buffalo, New York. And he is also in conversation with the Enquirer.

Michael wants us to know that he has found God. He’s become a “pastoral minister” of the Assemblies of God, an evangelical Christian group that says on its website: “WE BELIEVE…A Final Judgment Will Take Place for those who have rejected Christ. They will be judged for their sin and consigned to eternal punishment in a punishing lake of fire.”

Ooer. Being punished in a punishing way is not for the faint of heart. It is understandable that Michael wants to save himself. And that he wants to save his daughter.

“I pray for Lindsay every day,” says Michael, serving time for attempted assault, drunk driving and “other charges”.

“Tragedy has turned my life around and given me the faith to carry on,” says Michael. “But I hope God never has to get Lindsay’s attention in the same life-altering way he got mine.”

We can pretty much guarantee Lindsay shares his ambition and has no plans to be jailed for “other charges”.

But Michael wants to show her the path to righteousness. “I can show her – and others – redemption is possible through God’s love,” says he.

Pray tell how, Michael “I’ve written a book called Turn It All Around With Life’s Seven Blessings.”

Hey, it might even be turned into a movie, The Magnificent Seven Blessings. And if Lindsay were to star in it, Michael says he’d prefer Johnny Depp to play her leading man. “Lindsay and Johnny are both such a talented couple,” says Michael.

But Michael is wrong. Lindsay is not talented, she is multitalented. She has written a song. In Daughter to Father, Lindsay questions how if her dad loved her he could have caused her so much heartache.

And now Michael has written “a song in response”. It goes:

“I’ve given my all and done the time/ Then only been slighted, that’s the crime!/ My dear my dear what will it take/ For you to tell the truth, for goodness sake!

I loved and protected you, I was THERE through it all/ I do admit, I did at times fall/ But these things you know were due to ‘THEM’/ The ones that want to have a piece of my gem!”

It goes on. And unless you discover God, we’ll tell you the rest of it. And set THEM and their lake of fire on you…

Posted: 8th, September 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink