Anorak News | Are You Paris Hilton?

Are You Paris Hilton?

by | 8th, September 2006

IS this the Paris Hilton sex tape sequel so many have been waiting for?

Ever since Paris was filmed in a steamy canoodle with a certain Rick Solomon, film buffs have been excitedly awaiting another straight-to-internet performance.

And now we read “PARIS IN CUFFS” on the Mirror’s front page. We dim the lights, strategically position our popcorn and take our seats for the main event. We are not prudes – a little light bondage never hurt anyone, not really.

But this is no Paris Hilton sex tape. It’s just Paris being led away in real handcuffs by a member of the Los Angeles Police Department.

Doubtless we will get to read more about Paris’s arrest on LAPD official blogs, but for now the news is the Mirror’s for the moulding.

And reading on we learn that Paris was spotted by police driving erratically in her £300,000 Mercedes. The paper says at least five policemen blocked off her car. Paris was “hauled” out and breathalysed. She was found to be possession of an alcohol level of 0.8 per cent – just over the limit.

The Mirror says was then charged, fingerprinted and had her mugshot taken for posterity (think Nick Nolte in higher heels).

“YOU GONNA COME QUIETLY, Ms HILTON?” asks the Sun’s headline, snickering into its hankie, showing that even in times of high drama it is not above extending the sticky hand of male adolescence.

Paris, of course, did go quietly. She’s did not see Jews, like Mel Gibson, allegedly, or flip her car over, like Haley Joel Osment.

And having been met at the Hollywood police station by her sister Nicky Hilton, her boyfriend Kevin Connolly and her publicist Elliot Mintz, Paris was soon allowed to go. (Contrary to the Mirror’s report, Reuters says Paris was not charged.)

And now breathing the sweet, smoggy air of LA freedom, Paris speaks.

“My SLR is pretty fast,” says Paris in the Sun, referring to her car in that LA way of speaking in labels, “so maybe I was speeding a little bit and got pulled over.”

Paris then employs the Margarita Defence. “I had one margarita [and] was starving because I had not eaten all day. Maybe I was speeding a little bit and I got pulled over. I was just really hungry and I wanted to have an In-N-Out Burger."

And once again we are back with the Paris of old…

Posted: 8th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink