Anorak News | Who Wants To Be Mrs Tarrant?

Who Wants To Be Mrs Tarrant?

by | 11th, September 2006

IT’S September 11, 2006, and there can be only one story: “TARRANT & THE BIMBOS,” announces the Mirror on its front page.

In the style of the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? show fronted by Chris Tarrant, for it is he, the paper could have built things up.

The Mirror should have asked its readers: Which story is the big news event of the day: a) the anniversary of the start of the War on Terror; b) Chris Tarrant; c) Pete Doherty (Star); or d) Princess Diana (Mail and Express)?

A split decision between c, and d (stories that can lead the news on any given day) could have resulted in the paper asking the audience, all “drunken bimbos” of the type that “hurl themselves” at Chris.

Like the bimbo Chris, 59, and married, is said to have got off with in a Surrey bar. After the alleged kiss, Chris is said to have yelled: “This is the woman I want to be the next Mrs Tarrant!”

Chris is in the R Bar is Esher, Surrey, known locally as “Divorce Central”. And Chris’s wife Ingrid knows it well: “I’ve been there when completely drunk women throw themselves at him. They lift their skirts up and have no knickers on. It’s disgusting.”

Some of you will think it foolish of Ingrid to allow her husband to return to a bar packed with Surrey’s finest slappers.

But she has nothing to fear. Ingrid and Chris’s relationship is as solid as the bull-bars on an Esher woman’s pristine 4×4. And if anyone doubts it, Ingrid says they can check out the CCTV footage of the bar and know that Chris got up to nothing more than sitting “in the corner watching TV”.

“I didn’t even ask him about kissing anyone because I suspect he didn’t,” says Ingrid. “It would be something that someone did to him and before he knew it, it was all over.”

And even if there was a kiss, Chris wouldn’t be able to remember. “Chris certainly wasn’t aware of kissing anyone,” says Ingrid. “I think he was so drunk he wouldn’t have known what he did. If anyone did know what happened, he’d be the last to know.”

And any gaps in Chris’s memory can be plugged by a night in with his lovely wife watching CCTV footage of the non-event.

And with that cleared up, we turn to the Mail and read: “‘Drunken twit’ Tarrant thrown out by wife for canoodling.” The paper says Chris has been “banished” from the family home.

Or maybe he’s just forgotten where he lives. Anyone got any CCTV footage of his last movements?

Posted: 11th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink