Signs Of The Times
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it can’t think any up, it looks at scientific research.
Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…
MONDAY
“Unborn babies exposed to gender-bender pesticides” – Department of Radiology and Physical Medicine at the University of Granada, finds agricultural pesticides in women’s placentas
“The ghastly prospect that, as a result of catastrophic illness, doctors might write you off as dead even though you are well aware of what is going on, but can’t communicate that you are still alive, is the stuff of nightmares – Living death and the arrogance of doctors who want to play god” – Melanie Phillips kicks off the week in fine style
“WATCH OUT! Or why this year’s hot summer has brought more – and BIGGER – spiders than ever before” – Scuttle! Don’t walk!
“Today, on the fifth anniversary of 9/11, our troops are being killed by the Taliban, anarchy rules in Iraq and countless home-grown fanatics plot against the West. Blair and Bush’s war on Al Qaeda has turned into disaster – THE TRIUMPH OF TERRORISM” – Far and loathing in the Mail
TUESDAY
“Property boom fuels debts fears” – Just as it does every week
“The death of British humour” – Brought to you by the man from the Daily Mail
“Lynx on the loose! Experts warn of threat to humans and livestock as animal activists plan to release extinct predators back into Britain” – The dinosaurs are coming. Coming, I tells yer…
“Cyclists with helmets ‘more likely to be hit’” – So says “traffic psychologist” Dr Ian Walker
“THE SILENT KILLER. Kathryn’s husband was a fit, rugby-mad 39-year-old when he dropped dead. If only he’d taken a simple blood pressure test they’d have known that, like millions, his life was at risk” – Don’t panic; it’ll only make it worse
“A PERNICIOUS CONSPIRACY. Patently drugs save lives. But a chilling new book says a conspiracy between drug conglomerates, doctors, politicians and watchdogs is producing medicines that are not only unnecessary…but are actually killing us” – Always read the label and mix liberally with alcohol
WEDNESDAY
“A PLAGUE ON THIS CLUTTER” – Max Hastings looks at the “signpost insanity”
“An epitaph for childhood killed by junk food, TV and the computer” – Bring back Rupert the Bear, work houses and unexploded German bombs, malnourishment…
THURSDAY
“NHS chief warns of hospital closures and cuts epidemic”
“Two-thirds of fertility clinics have no sperm” – Headline Of The Week
“The danger doormats. They lurk ready to trip up the unwary. But, never fear, a vigilant council is wiping them out” – Hurrah!
“Youngsters in the grip of addiction to mobiles”
“BETRAYAL OF OUR CHIDLREN. This week 110 leading childcare experts signed a letter waning that childhood is being destroyed in modern Britain. What’s to be done about it?” – Er, we could just let children get on with being children?
FRIDAY
“Let‘s make a deal: I’ll give more time to my children if the State stops meddling in their schooling” – Tom Utley threatens his children
“Terrorised by twisters” – Britain in thrall of spinning winds
Posted: 18th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
