Anorak News | Fastest Fingers

Fastest Fingers

by | 19th, September 2006


Sometimes the simplest headlines are the best. And the Mirror’s neatly sums up the condition of Chris Tarrant and his wife Ingrid’s marriage. It is over.

But sometimes more is needed. “It’s over” is so neat. There are no rough edges. It’s not messy enough – and divorces that are played out on the front pages are always messy.

So how about the Star’s front-page headline instead? How about: “Tarrant divorce official – WIFE LETS RIP OVER F***ING LITTLE COW”?

That’s the ticket. And inside the paper, beneath a picture of a “drained” Ingrid driving her car, readers get to hear the wronged wife call Fiona McKechnie, the women who had an affair with Chris, a “f***ing cow” on two further occasions.

The phrase plays a key part in Ingrid’s reply to her estranged husband’s statement. In that address, Chris says: “I’m deeply sorry for the hurt I caused my loyal wife and wonderful children…I’ve only myself to blame…the liaison which has led to all of this was not significant in my life…I will always regret…”

After a contrite Chris has finished telling the world about his insignificant 10-year affair with the aforesaid Fiona – he appeals to be left alone by the media – Ingrid replies.

“I’ve got no food in my house, the dog has no food and the cat has got no food,” says Ingrid. “I’ve just got to get out of here.”

For shame! But pet lovers should not rush to condemn Ingrid out of hand. These are trying times at chez Tarrant and all the family – wife, husband, children, cats and dogs – are affected.

Ingrid’s not herself. A spokesman for the couple tells the Mail that Ingrid is “hysterical” at the realisation her marriage is over.

She needs to try and regain her composure and take stock. And if she can’t do it alone, she can always rely on the Star to help clarify matters. As its headline says: “TARRANT DUMPS WIFE.”

Sometimes the short headlines are best…

Posted: 19th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink