Too Poor To Push
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it can’t think any up, it looks at scientific research.
Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…
MONDAY
“THE FORSAKEN CHILDREN. A leading writer spent a year investigating the lives of children in care. Her devastating report reveals shambolic care homes, failing foster families, blighted education and a downward spiral into drugs and crime. Why does modern Britain callously betray the most vulnerable young people?” – Answers on a Rizla paper to the usual address
TUESDAY
“Working mothers can harm families warns Archbishop” – Lucky for his family the Archbishop of Canterbury is a man. Phew!
“England’s overheating” – It’s hot! Hot! Hot!
“Father died in agony after GP failed to spot cancer” – Yes! He got an appointment!
“I seemed the life and soul of the party. In fact, I was mentally ill” – Is everybody LAUGHING?!!!
WEDNESDAY
“Models are blamed for the anorexics aged seven – But who’s to blame for mo-dels?
“PROUD TO SMACK OUR CHILDREN. Smacking is the new taboo but these parents insist it is the best form of discipline for their family” – Martyn Ayres and wife Amanda a tells us how they give their children a smack
“Elderly at risk from bad financial advice” – Story illustrated by a picture of Coronation Street killer Richard Hillman, IFA, about to suffocate aged client Emily
“Student debt is crippling Britain’s future” – As opposed to adult debt?
“Half of us will sell homes to fund care” – Hurrah! New housing stock!
THURSDAY
"Why won’t the state lift a finger to help families look after their own elderly" – Is Carol Sandler asking trick questions?
"Hot news! Experts say global warming will cool us down" – Researchers the University of Colorado says so
"Cancer-causing pollutants in our bread, milk and eggs" – But not in our burgers and chips…
FRIDAY
“Labour ready to surrender more power to Brussels” – Surrender?
“Why am I a sceptic about global warming? Simple. The answer is in my gin and tonic” – Tom Utley watches ice melt in his evening restorative and see the world in his glass
“Needless caesareans blamed on labour wards staff crisis” – Too poor to push
“Why do women STILL enjoy being doormats? In this provocative cri de Coeur, one writer asks why – despite being better educate, more affluent and more successful in their careers than ever – so many modern women still want to play the mindless, subservient little woman role in their relationships” – Carol Sandler risks alienating most of her readers
Posted: 24th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
