Jade Goody Makes It Big

WE imagine it was never Jade Goody’s dream to have the epithet “big”.

Jade would surely prefer to be “sexy Jade”, “juicy Jade” or even “kebabalicious Jade”. “Big” is just so flabby a word.

But Jade takes her lot in her considerable stride. And when the Mirror says “when big Jade whacks you, you stay whacked”, Jade does not respond.

This may be because Jade has other things on her mind. As the paper says, she and boyfriend Jack Tweedy have had words. How many words is not revealed. Nor do we learn if in the course of this exchange Jade coined a few news words.

What we do learn is that Jade is deciding whether or not to believe Jack when he says he did not have sexual relations with “Essex shop-worker” Mandy.

As epithets go, “shop-worker” is not the best of them, neither is “bottle blonde”, as Mandy is also labelled. But Mandy would prefer them to “love cheat” as she tells the Mirror that she and Jack did not have sex.

“There’s nothing in it,” says Mandy, responding to pictures of her and Jack in bed together. “Everyone was just larking around and I had my shorts on throughout.”

She continues: “I didn’t know anyone had taken a photo, but I’ve had my name dragged through the dirt ever since”.

And having heard from “dirty Mandy”, we now hear from Jack. Holding his head in his hands, Jack says: “Yes, it was Mandy. She is a friend of my sister, but I don’t see her any more.”

Jack, sporting “massive” scratch marks on his arm, continues: “When will all this attention end and allow us to move on? It’s all OK.”

It’s a decent enough question. And one we can answer. It will all end when the Mirror’s 3AM Girls find out what Lindsay Lohan has been up to. Or when Big Jade whacks them…

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink