Anorak News | Trick Or Treat

Trick Or Treat

by | 12th, October 2006

WHAT you doing on October 31st?

Knocking on doors and extracting money with menaces as you bawl “trick or treat!” through some old lady’s letter box? Wondering what the hell to do with pumpkin flesh? Dying?

You see, as the Sun reports, “THE WORLD ENDS ON..OCTOBER 31.”

But it’s not this October. “Don’t choke on your cornflakes,” says the Sun, you haven’t got just over a fortnight to live. No, the world will end on October 31st 2, 252,006.

Little may have changed in the next two-and-a-quarter million years – Chelsea will still be champions, Tony Blair will still be in charge (Gordon Brown still won’t be) and The Rolling Stones will still be on their last farewell tour.

But on Halloween future we will all be so much rat food. A team of researchers, led by Dutchman Jan van Dam (crazy name, crazy guy), of Utrecht University, has discovered that mammal species have a defined shelf life. And that their demise coincides with a “wobble” in the Earth’s orbit.

“Will a wobble wipe us out?” asks the Mail. And we say that it will. The wobble will interfere with the Earth’s orbit and cause the planet to be too far from the sun to support human life.

The Mail says humans are “overdue a wave of extinction”. Indeed. Not a day passes without some research being produced which tells us how god-awful humanity is, how it is like a cancer on the planet, a destructive force that has to be stopped.

So why wait? North Korea should do us all a favour. Trick or treat, Kim Jong-il, saviour of planet Earth? Trick or treat?…

Posted: 12th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink