What’s My Line?

PITY the wannabe celebrity as she looks though her coin purse and dreams of the day she too can spend a £1,000 a week on cocaine.

For now the young twirly with dreams of presenting, reality TV and breast augmentation can make ready for her moment of destiny by using her Tesco club card to “chop” piles of salt, sugar and dandruff into “lines”.

And she can read the Mirror’s story on Tom Chaplin. “CHARLIE CHAPLIN,” says the headline. “EXCLUSIVE. Keane frontman Tom spent £1,000 a week on cocaine.”

We at Anorak have little idea what the going rate for cocaine is, but having learnt just last week that Justin Hawkin’s, frontman of The Darkness, spent £1,000 a week on the drug, we realise that £1,000 a week is the going rate for the stuff.

What a grand gets you, we are never told. It might be a single line, half a line or a just a dot of the powder. All we know for sure is that whatever the quantity, it costs popstars who confess to taking a £1,000 a week. No discounts.

(Note to wannabes: while saving £1,000 for a week’s worth of cocaine is commendable, the associated publicised period of recovery in rehab costs far more and should be budgeted for.)
And here is Tom to tell us that now he’s no longer on cocaine. “It’s something I’ve been dealing with,” says he. “…it’s been a tough time for me and anyone around me.”

Especially Tom’s former cocaine dealer who now deprived of Tom’s £1,000 a week may fall into deep fugue that can only be eradicated by therapy and an autobiography…

Posted: 19th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink