Anorak News | Democrats For Gin

Democrats For Gin

by | 19th, October 2006

STRANGE it is that the US, a country that offers choice in all things from cola to breast implants, should distil its politics into two parties.

Do you want the ones on the left? Or do you want the ones on the right?

The midterm elections are looming. That’s the vote to select members of Congress and state governors – but not the President.

So who are you going to vote for? Not that all of you get to vote – Britain is not yet part of the USA. But in readiness for that happy day, the Times prepares its readers with a guide to voting.

Know that “Republicans like…” bourbon whiskey (“a drink that puts hairs on your chest” – woman beware). They like Chevrolets (“an all-round American automobile”), and watch golf and Nascar racing on the telly.

In short, Republicans are men, or women who want hairy chests, checked trousers and a handicap.

On the other side, the Times tells us that “Democrats like…” gin. This drink does not put hairs on your chest, just your eyeballs.

Democrats also like a Volvo (“an international symbol of Scandinavian social democracy” – with side impact protection) and tune into something called the Game Show Network and Court TV.

In short, Democrats are women, or Swedish-American men with dreams of being a Pop Idol.

Oh, and before you make your choice know that the Democrats have about as much chance of winning the overall vote as our crusty old LibDems. At least they do if spending power equates to votes.

The Republicans have an £29million advantage over their rivals in media spend.

They also have something called Voter Vault. This is based on a system used by direct-mails advertisers to profile consumers.

And this is how we know that Republicans dislike telephone engaged signals. The Times tells us that Americans who purchase call waiting machines lean to the right.

There is much for us to learn. But for now we remain as we have always been – everyone votes for whichever party gives them the most and takes the least…

Posted: 19th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink