Daily Mail Kills
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it can’t think any up, it looks at scientific research.
Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…
MONDAY
“Brittle bone fear for boys with junk food diet” – Stringy cheese all round
“A year on, this is binge Britain” – Café culture causes twenty-something women to fall prone on the ground, with generous cleavage and thong on view (see pictures)
“How obesity puts a strain on the brain” – Fat and stupid
TUESDAY
“With his neck contorted by spasms, Casualty’s Charlie feared for his health, until Botox transformed his life” – Actor Derek Thompson tells us all about his dystonia
“Middle-class, nice home and swamped with debt”
WEDNESDAY
“Taxed till the pips squeak. The middle classes squeezed as never before. British businesses less able to compete. A £100bn raid on pensions. Why won’t ANY party speak up for lower taxes?” – Vote Anorak for, er, lower taxes!
“Do ‘everyday’ chemicals give your breast cancer?” – Maybe!
THURSDAY
“Britain’s country people are the REAL persecuted minority” – Tally ho! Let’s get at the Barbour-clad filth!…
“How I yearn for a proper autumn…not this eternal Indian summer” – Ray Connolly likes it wet and chilly
“Women who’d be better of NOT being screened for breast caner” – The Nordic Cochrane Centre says screening might do more harm than good
“The Doctor WON’T see you know. In this excoriating, highly personal view, one writer says that modern GPS are overpaid, underworked and an insult to the doctors we could all once rely on” – Carol Sandler ups stethoscope
“How stress of broken home could lead to early puberty”
“BRAZEN BRATZ. Move over Barbie! These brash, tarty dolls are now the biggest sellers in Britain. Is there no stopping the ruthless commercial forces that sexualise girls as young as seven” – Buy Anorak’s new Comfi-Baby Bra & Thong!
“Tofu, bulgar wheat and nettle tea – no wonder health food shops make me ill”
FRIDAY
“The 350,000 school-leavers who can’t even do the basics” – What – like sign on?
“At last, the truth: Binge drinkers are blighting our lives” – Mail sees Home Office study Perceptions and Experience of Anti-Social Behaviour
“Half-term headache. Road chaos warning as autumn getaway starts” – Traffic in holiday time… How?
“I hate to sound mean but why does my son have to pay to go to a British university when foreigners go free” – Tom Utley asks the questions that matter
“TWO–NATION BRITAIN. THE FRONTLINE. Thee Asian youths hardly ever speak to white people, who, in turn, despise them. This damning dispatch from the race-hate capital of Britain shows how multi-culturalism is failing ALL of us” – Preston’s Asians are hoodies too
“Eating lots of white bread ‘can raise the risk of cancer” – So say researcher at the Institute of Pharmacological Research in Milan
SATURDAY
“BURSTING POINT. This week its population hit 300million, but there were no celebrations in America. The truth is the Land of the Free is becoming deeply resentful about unfettered immigration. What lessons can our tiny island learn” – Max Hastings considers America’s Mexican, Korean, Jewish, Irish, African and Italian communities
“Bing-drinking ‘is at the root of most violence’” – S0o, not low self-esteem, then?
Posted: 23rd, October 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
