Anorak News | Richard Hammond’s Pole Dance

Richard Hammond’s Pole Dance

by | 24th, October 2006

WE were going to tell you about Richard Hammond. Today is “THE WIFE’S STORY”, and it takes up a large chunk of the Mirror’s news, front page and all.

And then we thought of reporting on the pole-dancing kit” for sale on the Tesco’s website. “Unleash the sex kitten inside,” says the blurb, “simply extend the Peekaboo pole inside the tube, slip on the sexy tunes and away you go.”

Dance moves, as featured in a company recipe book, include the “Going down”, “The thighs the limit” and “The booty shake”.

But while the Mail is right to shine a light on this filth, and tell its readers about the associated playing cards, the suspender belt and the “outrageously naughty fun”, the Mirror makes a plea to the public.

Do you know this man? The paper has three shot of the man it dubs “a poo pest”.

The man is accused of causing £60,000 worth of damage to trains. There are pictures of him both in and out of a hat.

The paper explains: “His modus operandi is to wait until he is alone before defecating in the carriage and smearing seats and walls.”

He has performed this act no less than 30 times on trains in the South East.

Who is he? The new enfant terrible of the British art scene, taking over from where Chris Ofili’s elephant poo pictures and Tracey Emin’s dirty sheets left off?

A disgruntled commuter out to show the greater world what the inside of the toilets aboard a train look like? A cleaner looking for work?

We do not know. But it is serous. As a police spokesman says: “This is a serious health issue as well as being exceptionally antisocial.”

If you see this man, do not approach him. Instead bury your head in your newspaper, and so learn more of Richard Hammond’s fight for life. Or, if you have no paper, twirl around the train’s pole in an eroticised and self-absorbed manner…

Posted: 24th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink