Bed & Borat

IF during the past week you have trimmed a hedge, pulled a pint or made a hotel bed the chances are that you are Polish.

Try not to worry. It is preferable to being Rogarian, one of those Romanian-Bulgarian hybrids the papers warn us about.

The Pole is a Benny Hill-type figure. In the Star (“EEK! THERE’S A POLISH MIGRANT IN OUR BED”), “stunned” Graham Handley tells the paper how he rolled over in bed to find not his wife Linda, 45, but a Polish man.

Graham and Linda had failed to bolt their front door. They had retired to bed together. Their son Adam had had a bad dream, and Linda had fallen asleep in his room. A passing Pole had entered the house.

Says Graham: “I went to sleep but at 5.20am I heard the bedroom door open, heard a zip go down then heard this pair of trousers hit the floor.”

Graham called out. The man spoke back in a “foreign language” and fell asleep. Police came and escorted the man from the premises.

And it could have been worse for Graham, or better. All hail “The Polish Borat”.

The Mail spots Thomasz Stepniowski, the Polish immigrant who groped nine women. The randy foreigner is compared to Sacha Baron Cohen’s journalist from Kazakhstani TV.

It is reported that Thomasz randomly approached women in Weymouth, Dorset, and fondled their breasts. He also pinched their bottoms and grunted.

As a consequence of his actions, Thomasz was arrested.

Now in the cells, the Pole’s interpreter tells the police that back home such behaviour is not against the law: “It is not strictly breaking the law and may be cultural naughtiness.”

We learn that despite this misunderstanding Thomasz has been charged with assaulting four women. He has asked for a further five offences to be taken into account.

And while British sex pests make ready to relocate to Krakow, we warn them that they should bone up fully on all local customs.

Granted, groping, frotting, molesting, call it that you will, is the done thing over there but so is getting a water cannon in the face.

And we recall the infamous case of Pole Hubert Hoffman, 45, who was charged with "contempt for the office of the head of state" after he was stopped by police in a routine check at a Warsaw railway station and when asked what he thought of the president. He responded by farting loudly.

You have been warned…

Posted: 8th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink