Anorak News | Syntax Error

Syntax Error

by | 9th, November 2006

REMEMBER when Paul Gascoigne was the cheeky, emotional Geordie who would deliver the World Cup to English hands?

If you can’t recall Gazza in his pomp, then looking at the Star’s cover photo of the pasty former footballer in the company of the local constabulary will not help your memory.

“BOOZY GAZZA’S RACIST BRAWL,” announces the Star’s front page. “Stars nicked after 4am row with ‘black #@*!’ snapper.

It seems that we are not the only ones unable to understand a word that tumbles from mumbling Gazza’s mouth. But looking within the paper we learn that rather than uttering a series of hash marks, asterisks and exclamations, Gazza was heard to call a cameraman a “black c****”. He is then said to have struck another cameraman (identified in the Sun as one Stephen Walters) in a “drunken rage”.

And so to the scene of this latest incident in Gazza’s chequered career. The venue is Boujis nightclub, hangout for royal princes, socialites and chinless wonders.

Gazza stumbles out. It is 3.30am. He, allegedly, punches the cameraman in the face. The Sun reports that Gazza is heard telling photographer Chris James: “Put down that camera and I’ll go one on one with you.”
The offer is declined, perhaps politely. Gazza climbs into a taxi and speed off. But this will not do. And though many of us suppose being smacked in the face by an inebriated celebrity part of the paparazzo’s job, we learn that it is not so.

Gazza’s alleged victim calls the police, says the Star. The rozzers track down “troubled” Gascoigne. He is in a restaurant. And in front of diners, the police nab Gazza and take him to Chelsea police station.

He is questioned, fingerprinted, asked to provide a DNA sample and allowed to sober up. Some hours later he is released on police bail. And next month Gazza will discover if he is to charged with any crime.

If asked to attend court, Gazza will get his chance to explain all. Although there is no little fear that whatever he says will just amount to so much syntax. It might be better to let his fists do the talking after all…

Posted: 9th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink