Anorak News | Britney’s No. 1 Fan

Britney’s No. 1 Fan

by | 9th, November 2006

“BRITNEY’S doomed love,” says the Sun.

Britney Spears, for it is she, has filed for divorce from the man known to her as Kevin Federline and as K-Ferret to you, the greater rap music community.

Over eight pictures, readers see Britney and K-Ferret eating burgers, buried in sand, cuddling and pushing a buggy. There’s Britney sat astride her man. There’s Britney rubbing her man’s shorts and sticking her tongue out. There’s Britney looking miserable. There’s Kevin in a vest.

Of course, this is not Britney’s first doomed love. And the Sun recalls the name Jason Alexander, Britney’s husband of 55 hours, and tells us about “A TALE OF TWO WEDDINGS”.

It was the best of dos, it was the worst of dos, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, it was the epoch of hits, it was the age of flops – respectively. It was Britney’s marriage to Jason, it was Britney’s marriage to Kevin.
It was a time of annulment, it was a time to a text message. Yes, as the Mirror reports, Britney dumped husband No. 2 by text.

The Mirror sees Kev talking about his new album. He is being filmed for Canadian TV. His mobile phone beeps.

As a source tells us: “His whole mood suddenly changed when the text message arrived… He didn’t say anything but he was clearly shocked.”

Indeed. As the paper says, just hours before his text message Kevin was telling a studio audience: “She really loves what I’m doing and she’s probably my number one fan. She’s the one that’s been telling me to do it. She believes in me big time.”

Oh cruelty thy name is woman. If ever we could conjure a shred of sympathy for ferret boy it is surely now.

We do not doubt that Britney is Kev’s number one fan, as we suppose that she is his only fan. And she is telling him to become the white rapper who will sing things like: “When the pen hits the pad/ It’s in the left hand/ Every single word is worth thirty grand/ Or maybe more.”

We have noted that the stated reason for this divorce is “irreconcilable differences”. We put it to you the jury that Kevin should counter with a claim for cruel and unusual punishment. Or incurable insanity…

Posted: 9th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink