Anorak News | A Near Miss

A Near Miss

by | 13th, November 2006

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it can’t think any up, it looks at scientific research.

Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…


“Being pushy ‘robs’ young of innocence” – Cartoon Network says childhood over too early these days, although there is 24-hour children’s telly for adults to gawp at

“3million body bags could be ordered in flu alert” – And filled with birds?

“FLIGHT-MARE! We’re bullied, ripped off and insulted…so why on earth do any of us choose to fly?” – To leave this benighted place, of course


“Debt warning as the biggest lender offers 125pc mortgage” – Debt? Mortgage? Never!

“I’d rather go to jail than face one of Blair’s ID cards” – Leo McKinsksy refuses to hand over ze papers

“Drug addict. Sex addict. Bin Laden impersonator. Is Russell Brand REALLY what Radio 2 needs?” – Bring back Jimmy Young!

“70pc of children suffer bullying” – The other 30pc are off sick

“As I held my dying baby, I felt my heart had been ripped out” – More anti-depressants, dear reader?

“Hidden danger in slot machines” – Avoid fruit.


“Millions will ‘struggle to cope with a rise on mortgage rates’” – Again

“Have toxins damaged millions of children?” – Have they? That question to you – the boy with seven toes…on his forehead


Sugary drinks ‘cancer risk’ – Researchers at Karolinska Institute, Stockholm, suggest two cans of pop a day can increase risk of cancer


“Just how near do you need to be for a near miss?” – Two passenger planes looks as if they are about to collide. Many will die. It will be “catastrophic”. But it’s only a trick of the light. Until next time…

“Epidemic of obesity ‘could ruin economy”

“I know Blair’s type well…it’s no surprise he is in trouble with the law” – Tom Utley is not made a peer

“Homebuyers facing ‘disaster’ as interest rates go up again”

Posted: 13th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink