Having Paris

AS Michael Jackson (or was it?) flops on stage, and Paris Hilton get offered out by Texas singer Sharleen Spiteri (“F**k off, I’m not scared of you,” says Spiteri to Hilton, her fingers pulled tight into a fist), Lindsay Lohan makes ready to present an award.

Staying with the World Music Awards, the Mirror sees Lohan appear on stage. She is booed. She falls down some stairs. She abandons her role as host.

The Mirror says singer Katie Melua had to be “hauled” from her dressing room to take over from Lohan. And, yes, this is the same Lohan of whom the Star writes: “Lindsay impressed music fans with her role as host.”

While music fans are impressed by Lindsay’s apparent inability to talk and walk properly – very rock and roll – the Mail looks at “the riddle of her wrist”.

A photograph shows Lindsay talking on a mobile phone. She is sat in a car. She is wearing black. One her right wrist Lindsay wears three bangles. On the left wrist she sports “livid red marks”. The Mail says these marks are “alarming”.

“Feeling Lo, Lindsay?” asks the Sun. It zooms in on these marks and speaks of fears that Lohan has “fallen victim to self harm”.

Worried, the Sun books an appointment with its doctor. The medical expert tells us that, yes, they are marks. And they are on her arm.

Another expert in such matters surveys the wounds and says: “It would be difficult to argue this is an accident as there are just too many scars.”

But the Sun’s duty of care does not extend to hearing what Lohan has to say. And she is allowed to drive off.

But try not to worry, dear readers, if Lindsay is suffering from anxiety and reacting badly to her life in the limelight, the Sun will bring news and photographs of her struggle and pain…

Posted: 17th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink