Pete Doherty’s ASBO
Pete Doherty’s latest performance
POOR Pete Doherty. He does try so very hard.
Pete’s got the criminal record, the pale, skinny girlfriend and the drugs history but he has yet to receive the ultimate accolade – the Asbo.
News that Pete has been arrested yet again is encouraging. On Saturday morning, the singer was arrested on suspicion of possessing crack cocaine. Police in London saw a car being driven erratically and pulled the driver over. Doherty was retrieved from behind the wheel. And charged.
It’s fingers and eyes crossed that this will be the charge that, if proven, will see Doherty in possession of the must-have accessory.
But is it enough? Time to look at the official definition of anti-social behaviour. As Her Majesty’s Government says: “It is behaviour which causes or is likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress to one or more people who are not in the same household as the perpetrator.”
Does Doherty’s idiocy constitute a menace to the greater public? We say yes – he was recently fined for kicking a woman reporter and is now accused of driving in a way that could result in injury.
Should this not be enough, Pete may care to flick through a copy of How To Get An ASBO, a how-to guide featured in the Sun.
This tome tells the would-be pariah “all you need to be the most anti-social member of you neighbourhood”.
The book is published by Virgin Books, a shoot of Richard Branson’s business tree. Readers are advised to chain up their attack dogs and goad it into barking all day. Readers with homes neighbouring the Branson estate should take note.
Wannabe ASBO-ers should also play music, perhaps by artists signed to the Virgin record label. The music should be played very loud. It should also be very terrible. Anorak recommends anything by Liberty X or Meat Loaf.
Perhaps Doherty should start singing in public. He may even care to sing one of his own hit songs.
This will surely result in an ASBO. And thereby see Doherty win the one trophy his career demands…
Posted: 20th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
