Britney’s Justin Time

Britney Spears loves Justin Timberlake 

“BRITNEY’S LOVE SECRET,” announces the Enquirer’s front page.

But what is there left to reveal? Britney poses about as much allure and feminine mystique as one of her estranged husband’s vests. Do we care to know Britney’s latest secret?

The Enquirer seems sensitive to our indifference. Although we are turned on to idea of knowing a secret, when it comes to Britney we will not bother to probe too deep. Should her honeymoon video be put on general release, we are in danger of knowing too much about the frumpy star.

So the Enquirer teases us with the secret and quicker than you can say “Im skatin off in a ‘rari” tells us the secret on its front page. And the secret: “She’s still hot for Justin!”

And what is more, the Enquirer says Britney’s friends and family – although, presumable not her husband – want her to get back together with the pop star.

A source “with close ties” to Britney tells the magazine: “Now that she’s split from Kevin Federline, both friends and family want Britney to get back with Justin; they all know that he’s always been the love of her life.”

Britney’s love life is usually a short-lived romance. Her marriage to Jason Alexander lasted 55 hours and her second betrothal to K-Ferret has endured just over two years.

And now Britney wants Justin? But does Justin want Britney and her two children fathered by the singing ferret?

Or does Justin want to continue his romance with Cameron Diaz, the former model and highly-paid female actress, who has, to the best of our knowledge, no children by a ferret, a rat or any verminous creature?

It is a tough call.

But while the Enquirer leads with this puzzler, it brings another shocking revelation: Kevin Federline might not be the world’s worst rapper.

Here’s comes the Enquirer’s Mike Walker, who in a piece about K-Ferret’s demands that his record company build a heliport on his Malibu ranch, delivers Sony moguls’ response:

“!…Yo!…Choppers are strictly for superstars
For chumps like you, the best we do is send a car!
You get some magic, you’ll get our ears
But face the music, K-Fed, you’re no Britney Spears”

The secret is out…

Posted: 22nd, November 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink