The Kipper and The Corpse

Live like Prince Charles & Camilla

THERE is much unsaid about the property advertised on the Sun’s front page.

One has no desire to cast aspersions on the estate agency business but it is often what is left unsaid that proves crucial when selecting a suitable residence.

This featured home boasts three bedrooms. It is, as a local estate agent tells readers, “very, very nice, but small if you rent it for a week”. The place features an organic farm, a ruined mansion and the “ghost of a beautiful blonde said to have been mistreated by her husband”. In other words, it’s a pokey, haunted cottage that smells of raw pig. Any takers?

And surely there will be. The home is in Myddfai, Wales, might not be Buckingham Palace, and there is barely enough room to swing a cat, or, indeed a tampon, but this is the holiday home of Prince Charles and the fragrant Camilla. And you can rent it.

In “ROYALTY TOWERS”, the Sun says Charles (The Germans) and Camilla (Is a Hampster) are offering “FAWLTY Towers-style” breaks in their new farmhouse. Holidaymakers can “romp” in their bed, “use” their loo and “soak” in ye olde royale bath.

“Wish you were heir?” asks the Mirror, producing a delightful picture of the 19th century coach house.

The Mail eyes the “lovenest” and estimates its market rate at £300 to £400 a week, although given the royal angle it might go for as much as £600.

But surely it will go for far more. Who is not excited by this rare opportunity to live like Charles, to partake of a themed holiday? You and your significant other can be Charles and Camilla for a time. Even the ghost, the flaxen-haired beauty could pass for the late Princess Diana.

This is no simple holiday, rather the Charles & Camilla theme park.

And it is fun for all the family. See the boy smoking a spliff behind the stables. Look out as a housemate falls down the stairs. Tell the women in your life how you’d like to live on as her tampon. Rehearse for the majesty of kingship with a colander and spatula.

The only proviso is that roles are interchanged, thereby ensuring that the role of Charles’ official “toothpaste squeezer” is distributed evenly.

And that everyone gets to sleep with everyone else…

Posted: 23rd, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink