Drugged & Disorderly

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it can’t think any up, it looks at scientific research.

Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…

MONDAY

“Britons ignore heart attack pain” – Survey says two thirds of us wouldn’t call 99 is we experience chest pain – the other third would, presumably, be kicking the phone away

“The capital of cocaine” – Britain is biggest user among 29 European states –

TUESDAY

“Bird flu drug is ‘not enough to protect us’” – So suggests a report by the Royal Society and Academy of Medical Sciences

“Sex won’t cause a heart attack.. but mowing the lawn might” – Once you’ve finished the herbaceous borders, Maurice, come on up

“I needed a pillow for my leg – but the hospital said they couldn’t afford on. Then they sent me home in a delivery van. They are making my final days a nightmare” – The diary of Janet Street Porter’s sister

“Drugs for psychotic adults are being fed to our children” – Prozac flavour crisps

WEDNESDAY

“IN HOCK. Once debt was a four-letter word for the middle classes. Today, it’s their only means of survival” – David Seymour moans

“How Zara’s friend died under horse” – A friend of Zara Phillips was crushed by a horse. Really. She was

THURSDAY

“The true cost of sex under 16. As research shows twice as many girls as boys lose their virginity under 16, these young women reveal their profound regret – and paint a devastating picture of the modern culture of casual sex”

“Home market is on brink of collapse, says top economist” – David Miles, chief UK economist at investment bank Morgan Stanley says the end is nigh

FRIDAY

“Junk-food sneaks. Giants target youngsters via websites” – The evil food ads that lurk on the Internet

“Young Britons are Europe’s biggest cocaine users” – Mum and dad prefer booze, fags and Prozac

“Hurricane-force winds on their way” – Time to nail down the immigrants

“My wife, an officer’s daughter, drove buses. Harold Wilson’s son drives trains. What does this tell us about social mobility in Britain today?” – Tom Utley’s weekly family update

Posted: 27th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink