Lohan, Spears & Hilton Get In Gear

Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton & Britney Spears get in gear… 

WHY the Mirror’s obsession with Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton? All three appear on the paper’s cover page. “THE BRIT PACK,” says the headline.

Do we not have enough home-grown stars to feature without focusing on an actress, a frumpy singer and a straight-to-internet porn star? What is the purpose of Celebrity X Factor, I’m A Celebrity and the House of Windsor if not to tap into the country’s rich vein of talent?

Just where are our own Billie Piper, Charlotte Church and Jordan when you need them?

While we look, the Mirror sees the three Americans “(IN A 210MPG SUPERCAR)”. Readers are invited to “FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED”.

Accepting the invitation we turn the page and find out that Lindsay, Britney and Paris (all clearly identifiable by the nametags the Mirror sticks on their chests), are sat in a car. And – get this – it can travel at 210MPH!

“Mind the gearstick Britney,” says the Mirror, noting how the singer is sat between her friends.

And while the Mirror gives way to sticky-fingered adolescence and snickers into it tissues, the Star uses its front page to announce: “Britney moves in with Paris…AND LINDSAY MAKES IT THREE IN A BED.”

Inside, the Star looks at Britney’s generous thighs and sees the trio clamber into a car together. There is no sign of a bed but our car expert assures us that the car’s seats recline almost to the horizontal and the boot is spacious and carpeted.

But it is a tight squeeze. And the Sun (“BRITKNEE SPEARS”) looks on as Paris strokes Britney’s thigh. Of course, to less trained eyes, Paris might just be pulling her chum’s leg inside the vehicle less a ripple of skin get caught in the door. But the Star knows about such things.

The racy trio then drive into the Los Angeles night. And… Well, anything could have happened…

Posted: 28th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink