Anorak News | New Super Bugs

New Super Bugs

by | 29th, November 2006

War on Terror”s latest weapon

BEES are being trained to sniff out drugs and terrorist bombs.”

That’s the news in the Mirror, and we kowtow to its knowledge.

And we are happy, relieved even. In this global War on Terror, it is heartening to know that the bees are once again on our side.

It cannot be too long before squadrons of butterflies and ladybirds join the cause and fly into battle against the enemy’s wasps, cockroaches and suicidal midges.

But before the fight for entomological dominance can begin, the bugs must be trained. But how do you train a bee?

The Mail reveals all. In “The sniffer bees”, the paper puts on its apiologists veiled hat and says how bees can be a “small but vital” weapon in the war.

Within a year bees could be stationed at every train station, airport and potential target for terror. We urge readers to pay attention and consider keeping a private contingent of bees in their own homes, cars and trouser pockets. No-one is safe. And bees only take ten minutes to train.

The regime is simple. Three or four bees are placed in a “sniffer box”, of shoebox size. This box is that picked up and waved around a bearded suspicious type.

If the bees detect traces of explosives and facial hair about this person, they will tell the authorities. And until a bee can speak English, they will communicate outrage by unfurling his proboscis. If all the bees in the box stick out their tongues together, then the game is up.

By rewarding them with sugar water for making a correct assessment, bees can be trained to detect anything. Given time, they can detect drugs, bombs, Jews, polonium-210 and pollen.

Posted: 29th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink