America’s Two For One Special

IT is cheaper than it has been since 1981 to invest in the United States.

Islamic imperialists should note that rather than invade the Great Satan, the time is ripe to purchase large chunks of it. Property is cheapest in mineral-poor areas of Alaska.

The dollar is worth just 50pence. For one British pound you can buy two dollars. We are mighty once more.

The Telegraph says “Yields on 10-year US Treasury bonds slid to 4.47pc yesterday, a sign that investors are battening down the hatches for possible recession next year.”

Yield? Bonds? Recession? Who cares for any of that? There are two dollars to the pound and that means shopping in New York.

So off to the Big Apple we go. But we’d best hurry – the seats aboard aircraft are being booked up by bargain-hungry Britishers.

“The $2 pound sends shoppers flying for New York bargains,” announces the Times.

Stores in New York talk of a surge in British customers. Airlines say passenger numbers are 20 per cent up. The British are coming. And they are carrying credit cards and loadsa cash.

The only problem British shoppers need to surmount – other than where to buy their goods – is how to get a cheap flight. We suggest arriving at the airport and talking loudly in a thick Russian accent and painting some kind of luminous substance on your fingers. To further deter other shoppers from making the trip pull on a thin black leather jacket, although you may be better off buying one of these in New York.

One shopper who has made it across is Susan Scrimgour-ski. She tells the Times: “I have bought about 40 items already and I’m not finished yet.” She adds that Tiffany’s has done very well out of her.

Her friend Susan Smith-ovich says: “Everything is so cheap. It’s cheaper to start with, then the strength of the pound makes it cheaper still.”

By the logic that only a true shopper can muster, the women conclude that the “savings” they have made buying designer goods and jewellery go some way towards paying for their trip.

Of course, shoppers are advised that most items bought over there to be bought back here are covered by the £145 duty free limit. All goods in excess of this paltry allowance are subject to up to 14 pr cent duty and VAT at 17.5 per cent.

Never had it so good? You or the taxman…

Posted: 1st, December 2006 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink