Anorak News | Viennese Whirl

Viennese Whirl

by | 4th, December 2006

LIFE’s vicissitudes are never more to the fore than on Strictly Come Dancing, right now just about the biggest pro-celebrity dancing show on the magic box.

And where TV leads, Government policy follows, spinning and dipping at the lightest touch. And we read in the Sun that “fatties” are to get free dance classes on the NHS.

“STRICTLY TUM DANCING,” says the paper’s headline. And to reiterate: “Millions of fatties to get classes on NHS.”

“LARD of the dance, continues the Sun inside. “Fat to get lessons.” Get a load of those “Fox trotters”. Make mine a “Rumba and raisin”.

The prospect of the large of stature taking a turn around the surgery to the strains of NHS muzak and synchronised coughing and groaning is a bright one.

In keeping with the show, the fat will be awarded points by the assorted matrons and medics.
“You look like a hippo on ice, dear,” says Sister Tonioli, doing her passable impression of the show’s Craig Revel Horwood. “You looked like you were quickstepping to the toilet after eating your umpteenth curry kebab of the night. Hideous.”

“Never mind,” says Bruce Forsyth, ably played by a willing doctor. “You did burn off nine calories and while you were dancing you weren’t stuffing your face with lard. Good game. Well done.”

And dancing does burn fat. The Sun says Strictly Come Dancing “star” Carole Smilie lost nearly half a stone, dropping from 9st to 8st 7lb. “I didn’t need to lose weight,” says Carole, informatively, “I’ve gained a lot of muscle.”

Her fellow celebrity hoofer, soap actress Claire King, says she too lost pounds, “but I’m especially pleased with my legs, bum and arms.” And someone called Georgina Bouzova adds: “The weight has gone from my bottom and my things and my tummy’s toned.”

If it can work for these celebrities, then why not for the rest of us? It is time to blend the tango with the quango and have us all fit, buffed and ready to dance to the same tune.

Of course, if the waltz or electric boogaloo is not your thing, you can always goose-step. Come on people, get those knees up – you wouldn’t want to be fat and let your country down…

Posted: 4th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink