Anorak News | Bishop’s Bish

Bishop’s Bish

by | 11th, December 2006

“BISHED AS A NEWT,” announced the front-page headline in the Sunday Mirror.

And with that readers were introduced to the Bishop of Southwark. Today he is back. And he’s sporting a nasty bruise below his left eye.

We fear the worst. Knowing that the appearance of a man of the cloth in the tabloid press is too often a prelude to a story of sex with parishioners, sex change operations and choir boys, we wonder if the Bishop’s shiner is the result of an act of less-than-diving retribution from a disgruntled spouse or parent.

But no. This Bishop’s sex life is his own affair. It seems the Bishop has been mugged.

The Mirror sees the Bishop, the Rt Rev Tom Butler, enjoying the bar at a Christmas reception at the Irish Embassy in London.

Clad in his dog collar and cassock, the Bishop drinks. And, as a source says, he drinks a lot. He then makes it outside and into the car of Nicole Sumpta. The alarm is triggered. Nicola’s boyfriend Paul runs outside and is confronted by the Bishop sat in the back of the silver Mercedes “throwing toys about”.

Christmas is a fine time for opportunistic criminality, and looking for presents in a car is a favoured tactic. But the Bishop was not taking things. Indeed, he was very possibly leaving items of value behind.

Says Paul: “He was roaring drunk. When we could get him out the car he fell and banged his head. He was claiming, ‘I’m the Bishop of Southwark. This is what I do’.”

He then made off into the night. Three days later Nicole and Paul, both strangers to the Bishop, found the would-be carjacker’s silver cross in their vehicle.

A gift? Is the Bishop some modern day Saint Nicholas, going about the place leaving trinkets and gifts for all? Was he less throwing the toys about than seeing what was needed, adding more to the pile?

We may never know. The Mail says this doer of good deed has no memory of the incident, or so he claims.

Described by his flock as a “very righteous man”, and as “a great spiritual leader”, the bishop makes his way to the pulpit to dispense advice, guidance and maybe, just maybe, a Barbie doll with realistic blonde hair and retractable toe nails…

Posted: 11th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink