Christmas Din

“THE CHRISTMAS toys that are as loud as a road drill.”

So says the Mail, which notes that the recommended safe level for continuous noise is 85 decibels.

The fear is that so loud are the likes of Dance Baby Dance Building Band (88.4 decibels), Jasman’s laser command (100.2), and Smiffy’s Toy Gangster Tommy Gun (110.1) that children will be rendered stone deaf.

This view, brought to light by Deafness Research, which tested these objects, is given added weight by the knowledge that the sound of aforesaid road drill is 100 decibels.

However, while the toys are awarded a “close to ears decibels” reading, the drill, Harley Davidson (95-110) and car horn (120) are not. Indeed, holding a helicopter (120) to a children’s ear may result in something more acute than hearing loss, namely loss of ears and head.

Also unmentioned is the noise created by the child wielding the top-of-the-charts Smiffy’s AR-18 Toy Assault Rifle (114), which can clear room of insurgent grandparents in seconds.

If the gun is that loud, then how load is the child brandishing it? The Mirror, in it piece on gifts that operate above the “safe noise limit”, fails to mention this. Although the Mail does clock a screaming child at 90 dBC.

These figures do not add up. What use a gun unaccompanied by a gut-wrenching cry from the toddler warrior?

And then how loud the explosion made by the mother who in an effort to make herself heard produces the same noise as thunder (120)?

It can’t be too long until Christmas comes with a Government health warning…

Posted: 12th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink