Jade Goody’s Boxing Day
JADE Goody and Jack Tweedy are getting married.
It promises to be quite some do with lots of finger food (chips) and kebabs all round.
And jumpers. For reasons unspecified, Jade and Jack are wearing pullovers of a type rarely seen outside scouting manuals.
Sat in a gastro pub described as “local”, Jade and Jack are ready to talk about their tip to Lapland.
There are many pictures from that snowy trip, the first of which shows two boys sat on the couple’s knees. On first sighting the lads appear as Santa’s blondish little helpers.
It is only by reading on that we realise our error and introduce Jade’s son Bobby and Freddy. The boys are identically dressed in brown trousers and red shirts.
Very soon all is put right and the children pull on knits, visions of beige and toggles attached to leather straps. Were it not for Jade’s presence, we could be looking at a postcard from Munich.
But it is not all leather and uniforms as Jade tells us how she and “ridiculously handsome” Jack took off all their clothes and got naked in the snow.
Jade relives the moment when Lapland was introduced to her kebabs.
She and Jack are sat before the fire. They drink wine. There are candles. “Then I went outside because it was hot and joked: ‘I’m going to strip off!’ At first he said: ‘No you’re not!’ And I was like: I am, I am.’ And then we both stripped off and ran around in the snow and took pictures of each other.”
No detail is left to the imagination. Nothing. Says Jack: “I’m big down there already. I’m bigger than average so the cold didn’t make any difference!”
So having journeyed to Santa’s grotto and taken their clothes off and told us about Jack’s penis, what other heart-warming family fun jack did Jade and her kin get up to?
Well, as the picture shows, they stood next to a giant snowman. And Jade says if she ever punches Jack, he’d know it “Ha ha!”. Says Jade: “In other relationships I might have beaten them up a bit, but I have no reason to get mad with Jack.” Ha ha!
And against this backdrop of nudity, the thinly veiled threat of domestic violence and a snowman, we wave adieu to the happy, close-knit family.
Merry Christmas, say we. And a happy Boxing Day…
Posted: 15th, December 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
