Anorak News | More Dark Satanic Mills

More Dark Satanic Mills

by | 4th, January 2007

WITH Saddam Hussein caught on camera, the suspected Suffolk Stranger awaiting trial and Anthea Turner in Surrey, attention turns to that other enemy of the people – Heather Mills McCartney.

“MUCCA BOOTED ME WITH HER FALSE LEG,” says the Sun’s headline. And in an instant we are in an outlet of the Starbucks coffee and muffin chain.

It is Belsize Park, the shabbier end of London’s chic Hampstead. Emma Levy, 38, 5ft tall and 6stone (facts she may well have proudly offered to the Sun without any need for a weigh-in) is sipping a coffee.

In walks Heather Mills (weight unspecified). Emma says the estranged wife of Sir Paul McCartney is wearing a cowboy hat, brown polo neck jumper, skintight jeans and boots.” Cruel minds would dub Heather Hopalong Cassidy, but we are above such slights.

Heather sits down. She is with a man. Emma pulls out her mobile phone and makes to take a snap. Then drama.

Emma says Heather jumped up and grabbed her by the throat and pushed her towards the door. “She lashed out with her left leg, kicking me in the bum. I have a big bruise.”

No picture of this bruise is offered up for our perusal, which is a shame given that Emma has a camera to hand. And neither do we see any shots of Heather enacting this alleged assault.

But a passer-by, one Hayleigh Sands, says she saw Heather’s face “contorted with anger”. She goes on: “She started rifling thought the woman’s bag to find her mobile phone. She broke down and started crying, ‘I do not need this right now. I’m getting death threats, going through a divorce and bringing up a baby.”

Poor Heather. It must be hard. Emma is perhaps fortunate that Heather’s leg was attached to Heather’s greater body at the time and not loose, thus affording her the chance to swing it about her head like a prosthetic claymore.

For her part, Heather speaks through her spokesman. He says his client was with her lawyer. “Heather suspected she was a journalist. She even admitted she was trying to make some money out of her. Heather did kick her up the backside – all the staff and customers started clapping.”

With their feet…

Posted: 4th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink