Anorak News | Kate Moss & Pete Doherty’s Wedding; Heather Mills Kicks Out; Kate Middleton Is Being Watched..

Kate Moss & Pete Doherty’s Wedding; Heather Mills Kicks Out; Kate Middleton Is Being Watched..

by | 7th, January 2007

Kate Moss & Pete Doherty’s wedding; Heather Mills kicks out; Kate Middleton is being watched..  

KATE Moss and Pete Doherty exchanged “High dos”.

With 2007 in its infancy, the Sun drew its readers’ attention to an early contender for celebrity wedding of the year.

The paper saw flowers draped over Kate and Pete’s shoulders. Their hands were “cupped” in prayer. It was 1.30pm local time at the exclusive Amanpuri resort.

But pictures were far from clear. Like those snap of Kate chopping lines of cocaine/sherbet/anthrax in a London recording studio, the Mirror could only produce a grainy picture of the event. (How ironic that a woman used to being snapped by the world’s foremost snappers should have her personal life recorded on camera phones.)

The picture showed Kate and Pete, a bridesmaid and a glass of champagne. The Sun noted that Kate and Pete “pledged lifetime allegiance to each other”. The event was watched by friends and family. The Sun said the audience “clapped” and “cheered”.

And then a spokesman stepped forward to say that there had been no wedding. It was just Kate and Pete having fun. It was Thai shtick.

But still the Star was unconvinced. It had been distracted by a new twist in this betrothal. As the Star announced: “KATE ‘N’ PETE’S 3-IN-BED ROMP WITH TOM CAT.”

The sickos! Kill yourself with drugs and fags by all means, Pete and Kate, but romping with a kitty cat is plain wrong. We love our animals in the UK and we know where to draw the line.

It was almost too much to read on. But through webbed fingers we peeked at the story and noted: “Outrageous Kate Moss and her new ‘husband’ Pete Doherty consummated their Thai wedding night with a three-in-a-bed romp – with a tom cat.”

After the Star’s previous day’s news that the wedding was “bizarre”, were we supposed to believe that this betrothal was sealed not by a kiss but by a bestial threesome?

And this was not all. As the Star said, the newlyweds’ bed was festooned with rice, coins, sesame seeds and the aforesaid cat. Not the detritus of Pete’s drug taking but items assembled in accordance with Buddhist marriage rites. Or at least that is what the informed Star said.

And the equally knowing Mirror told us that Pete and Kate were shut in their Thai hotel room “only accepting deliveries of booze”. And Go Cat. Or Frisky with chunks.

It said so much that the year’s big showbiz story should be about a non-event – so much of the celebrity world involves denials, non-denials and non non-denials.

We were in need of some action. We wanted the truth. And on Thursday, it came from an unlikely source.

It was Heather ‘Dark Satanic’ Mills (the darts is on the telly and you’ll have to excuse the nicknames). Heather’s spokesman admitted his client had lashed out at a woman who had, allegedly, tried to photograph her in a London coffee shop.

As this spokesperson told us: “Heather suspected she was a journalist. She even admitted she was trying to make some money out of her. Heather did kick her up the backside – all the staff and customers started clapping.”

This is the celebrity PR’s latest tactic. The Times’s Chris Ayres has called this the “dramatic-reconstruction-admission”. It uses “Hollywood plotting techniques to combine a low-level acceptance of guilt with a backstory and a motive — thus making the acceptance of guilt look unnecessary, and therefore needlessly gracious.”

Heather was minding her own business. A woman tried to invade her privacy. She kicked out. Everyone cheered. Who cared the other party limped off with a bruised backside. She got off lightly.

It dangerous out there is you’re famous. Protection is needed. And on Friday the Mail saw six police officers helping Kate Middleton get to work.

Kate is Prince William’s paramour. She’s a nice enough gel, who when she is not holidaying and appreciating fine art is buying hairclips and such like for a large high street fashion chain run by pals of her mum and dad’s.

We looked. And we looked again. And we wondered if Kate was less being protected than watched. Were the police, the Establishment’s long, leather gloved arm, surveying the Prince’s lover? Were they keen to avoid a repeat of past errors?

There are lessons to be learned from Royal marriages past. Diana is dead, or living in the attic at Harvey Nichols. And Sarah Ferguson – who appeared to tell us how much she loved the Queen – is persona non grata at Windsor family get together.

And Kate Middleton is being watched…

Paul Sorene

Posted: 7th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink