Anorak News | Celebrity Big Brother’s F***in’ Squillel

Celebrity Big Brother’s F***in’ Squillel

by | 9th, January 2007

HAS anyone seen a fuckin’ squillel in the Celebrity Big Brother house?

It was there a moment ago. That grandmother was holding it up and talking about it. It was made of wood. It was a fuckin’ wooden squillel.

Jackiey needs to find one. She needs to get in touch with her inner f***in’ squillel. Because is she not Joannie ‘Nan’ Taylor from the Catherine Tate show?

She is.

It was an impression that began when Jackiey was taking to Shiplap, or Shil, or Shhhh. For a woman who lusts for the exotic – note her spelling of Jackiey – granny Goody was undone by Shilpa’s two syllables.

How dare Shilpa have a seventh floor flat and a funny name! “What a fucking liberty!”

And looking at Big Brother is has become clear that the Goodys have modelled themselves on Tait’s characters.

While Jackiey looks for her squillel, Jade says she is not bovvered by Ken Russell helping himsel’ to “cheese and bizkits”.

Ken invited her to look at his face. Was he bovvred? Face, bovvered? Jade looked bovvered. She said she was not bovvered. But the eyes gave her away. She was very bovvered. She stomped around. Ken noted the “vitriolic look of hatred on her face”.

And then there are Jade’s grandma and grandpa. They arrived in the Big Brother house for dinner. Wine was poured. ‘Allo! What’s this, then? Wine… With Dinner… Listen to this.

Wine at a table with food being served? Grandpa looked upset. He wants a beer. Crushed grapes with alcohol in it. Disgusting. The dirty bastards.

And this Tait-ification is infectious. What is ‘Preparation’ H if not Derek Faye? Granted H has come out. But his closet was more a walk-in wardrobe with fairylights and full of men performing choreographed dance routines. Me gay, dear? No, dear. How very impertinent. How very dare you.

As if!

Posted: 9th, January 2007 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink