Maid For Gest

DAVID Gest is topless on the Star’s Page 3.

Let it go on record that Gest, who has gone under the knife more times than the Christmas turkey, is not modelling his new breasts.

Dave’s breasts are his own. And if they have been shop bought we urge him to seek a refund, or more stuffing.

And it will not end with the top. Gest is to be “stripped bare” in a stitches-and-all documentary on his life. The star has signed a £500,000 deal to have his life broadcast on ITV.

Gest says the show will “be an absolute blast with nothing hidden”.

By way of a preludial glance at the show, the Star introduces us to David’s maid Vaginica Caeman and her lovely daughters Beulahbelle and Clitina.

Vaginica and Clitina are sure to make headlines. “I can’t wait for everyone to meet Vaginica and her daughters in the flesh. They’re larger than life in every sense.”

And this is not all. The self-confessed pal of Michael Jackson’s is to appear on the pro-celebrity singing contest Soapstar Superstar. “I’m not going to the show to pick my nose,” says Dave, in an unmasked reference to cosmetic surgery and the aforesaid Jackson, “I’m going to pick a star.”

Clitina – the stage is yours…

Posted: 11th, January 2007 | In: TV & Radio Comment | TrackBack | Permalink