Anorak News | Big Brother Is Shipwrecked

Big Brother Is Shipwrecked

by | 23rd, January 2007

big-brother-is-shipwrecked.jpg“THE NEW JADE.”

That Jade Goody is contrite is beyond doubt. No-one likes to be exposed as a pig-thick bully on national telly. But this new Jade is not the old Jade given a make over.

This new Jade is 18-year-old Lucy Buchanan. Unlike Jade Goody, this new Jade is educated, having been tutored in public school.

And, as the Mirror reports, this new Jade has thrown Channel 4 into a “NEW RACE STORM”.

Lucy was elevated from reality TV also-ran to front-page horror when she opined on the broadcaster’s Shipwrecked show: “I just don’t appreciate people coming into our country and taking over our culture. We’ve got too many cultures. Britain’s not really Britain any more.”

That Lucy should give full throat to her opinions while living it up for weeks on end in the Cook Islands is not without irony. The Shipwrecked show features no locals, only imported Britishers.

But educated Lucy would probably point out that the Islands are named after the British navigator Captain James Cook and Queen Elizabeth II remains head of State.

So far, so very UKIP. But Lucy has more to say. “I’m for the British Empire and things. I’m for slavery, but that’s never going to come back.”

As Jade Goody’s agent jets out to the Cook Islands and signs Lucy to a binding deal, Channel 4 gets ready to lock Jade and Lucy into a suburban house and film the results in “No Class”.

And the script for the show writes itself. Listen up as Lucy says of fat people: “They’re offensive. They can help it – eat less, exercise more, get their stomachs stitched.”

You can see Jade nodding her head and holding up a DVD for Jade’s Shape Challenge. “I can’t stand fat and ugly people. They really bring you done,” says Lucy. Jade nods – once to the left, twice to the right and back again to the centre.

Jade points to her new breasts. She shakes her hair-do. She squeezes a blackhead.

The world watches…

Posted: 23rd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink