Anorak News | Shilpa Curries Favour

Shilpa Curries Favour

by | 30th, January 2007


So famous is the Celebrity Big Brother winner that she now operates under one name. This is a privilege afforded to only the few, and we think of Jade (Goody), Tony (Blair) and Kermit (The Frog).

And this is fortunate. As a nation we are still mastering “Shil-pa” and if confronted with the addendum “Shetty” we may be forced to resort to a Goodyesque stereotype and label her Shilpa Poppadom, Shilpa F**kwallah or Shilpa Smith.

For now Shilpa is on the cover of the Mirror. “It wasn’t brown versus was right versus wrong. And right won,” comes the teaser.

“The hate hurt me so much and it still does..Jo and Jade need to get some real help.”

There is little news of Big Brother’s hard-faced fag-hag Jo, a woman now portrayed as being more SS Club than mere S club. But the Sun does report that Jade is seeking help and has checked into the Priory clinic for tired and emotional celebrities.

Jade is said to have collapsed with stress. She is said to be at her wits end (let us know if you can spot where Jade’s wits begin). She has collapsed.

And as Jade falls, Shilpa rises. This is SHILPA: MY STORY”. Shilpa is shocked as she sees the footage of her time in the Big Brother house. Says she: “I’d no idea it was so bad.”

“I didn’t know all that had gone on. They are so mean. Why didn’t someone stop them? It hurts me deeply. Look at me…I’m shaking.”

We look. Six pictures of Shilpa looking shocked and disgusted at what she calls the “incessant” attack.

The Mirror looks to the screen. It sees Jade out of control. Jade is calling Shilpa a “f****** w****r and a p****”. A f****** liar and a fake”.

Shilpa bites down hard on her lip. Perhaps Jade was jealous, offers Shilpa by way of an analysis. “Jo is perhaps driven by jealousy because she has self-esteem issue,” offers Shilpa. “Danielle, well, she is just more stupid than racist.”

And then Shilpa has seen enough. “I kept my dignity,” says she. But please, I don’t want to see those tapes ever again.”

But there are other tapes. There are tapes of Jade crying. There are tapes of Jo telling the Sunday Mirror: “I’m NOT sorry and I’d do it AGAIN.” There are tapes of Danielle’s naked legs wrapped around a teddy bear.

But they will get what’s coming to them. As Shilpa says: “Jade and Jo need professional help, not condemnation. I am someone who believes in karma …what you have sowed will be repaid.”

But perhaps Shilpa’s tormentors have already been punished. Perhaps being born Jo, Jade or Danielle is enough. Who would want to be them right now?

Posted: 30th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink