Anorak News | Kelly Osbourne Nose

Kelly Osbourne Nose

by | 6th, February 2007

KELLY Osbourne’s eyes are half closed.

This is “wildchild” Kelly Osbourne, the mushroom-shaped daughter of vibrating rocker Ozzy and Pixie-voiced discount food shopper Sharon.

Kelly is “wild-eyed”, says the Star. And we look. But Kelly eyes have narrowed into slits.

But it is not just Kelly’s eyes that interest the Star, but her nose. Once again, [inset link to moss] the paper brings to the fore the full might of its computer mastery and draws a yellow arrow on Kelly’s face. The arrow’s point angles in towards her left nostril.

“KELLY O’S NOSE FOR TROUBLE,” goes the headline. “Kelly is “dishevelled”. An onlooker tells us: “Her eyes were rolling to the back of her head and her skin was sallow, and there was a lot of what seemed like white powder encrusted around her nose.”

We hardly need to remind you that this is the winter season, a time of colds, flus and Beechams Powders. Most of us pour the restorative medicines into an inch of water and stir until dissolved before drinking the potion, but if you want to sniff the stuff, we are not here to condemn. It’s your cold. Yours to deal with.

In truth, as hard as we consider the Star’s picture we see no encrusted medicines or other substances. All we see is a hole for breathing.

Indeed, the stand-out thing about Kelly’s face – apart from a giant yellow arrow – are her teeth, which so bright, neat and ordered suggest she is either wearing a mouth guard or has an American dentist.

“But she didn’t seem to know which planet she was on,” the onlooker continues.

We can neither confirm nor deny this claim. We can only look on as Kelly departs the Revue Bar, London, with a pal. And melts into the cold night air…

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink