Anorak News | Ticking Towards Doomesday

Ticking Towards Doomesday

by | 21st, January 2007

mail1.jpgEVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t think any up, it looks at the latest scientific research.

Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…


“DON’T YOU BET ON IT! Doctors warn supercasinos will increase young addicts. Police say they will encourage organised crime. But will ministers listen?” – I’ll take tens on “no”

“More crime less punishment – why our faith in justice is in mortal danger” – Melanie Phillips writes

“Widow horrified as she finds husband’s grace is too small for his coffin” – Are we getting fatter?

“Worries that keep the one in five of us wide awake at 3am” – Mail readers stay up late


“Half-term chaos threat as BA cabin crew to strike” – Or: Less global warming as planes grounded

“Doctors fear a surge in young gamblers” – But would they bet on it?

“Doom clock is ticking”

The numbers:
30 – The percentage of women who gain more than 5lbs in two years
3,000 – The number of people who die from asbestos disease each year in the UK

“Father’s nightmare scandal of how consultants withhold bad news. Doctors knew I had MS – but hid the truth from me for 11 years” – Time to demand a second opinion

“Strokes linked to depression” – Why me?

“I thought my heavy periods were just bad luck. Then I discovered I was seriously ill and might never have a baby” – Watchdog presenter Julia Bradbury tells us about her endometriosis

“MRSA – IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN YOU THINK. There are 14 times more cases than the NHS admits. Deaths are up by at least 22%. And simple solutions are being ignored by health chiefs. No wonder Labour’s trying to spin its way out of trouble”


“HOMEOWNERS’ TRIPLE WHAMMY – MORTGAGES set to go up again; INFLATION at a 15-year high; DEBT trap for young buyers” – Time to enter the Big Brother house

“80mph storms roar in – and blizzards won’t be far behind” – Snow. Yippeee!

“Forget global warming [insert picture of mushroom-shaped cloud] THIS is why the Doomesday Clock’s ticking” – Max Hastings sees nuclear war


“Five minutes from doom” – The Doomsday Clock. Tick. Tock. For whom does it tick? It ticks for ye. Tick…

“Clever girls are more likely to binge drink” – So says researchers at Institute of Child Health

“Boy of 13 choked to death on the top of his pen”

“Why fat drivers are in greater danger” – RAC Foundation says a fat driver is a sleepy driver

“THE BIG ISSUE? Prisons full…NHS in crisis…more soldiers dying…inflation and bank rates up. So what was obsessing our political leaders yesterday? This Big Brother ‘racism’ row” – Good job the Mail is here to expose this rubbish on its, er, front page

“Personal debt is growing by £1m every four minutes” – Not to worry, Ashley Cole can afford it
“Bird flu targets young adults” – So says Yoshihiro Kawaoka of the University of Wisconsin

“Fashion bags are a pain in the neck” – The fashion for big bags can cause you pain if you put too many things in one and it becomes very heavy, say experts at the American Chiropractic Association


“Students too dim for media studies” – Headline of the decade!

“High-pressure washers ‘can turn a tyre into a killer’” – Tyresafe, formerly known as the Tyre Industry Council, hears drivers complain of low tyre pressure after having their cars washed by hand

“OK, so I dumped my French girlfriend on Dartmoor – but at last I’ve found something we could agree on” – Tom Utley’s girlfriend

Posted: 21st, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink