by | 3rd, February 2007


What’s this? Britney Spears, pop tart, estranged wife to rapping rodent K-Ferret and baby juggler par excellence is in rehab, that refuge for the tired and emotional starlet?

But before we send flowers and Britney can pull on a fluffy white gown and matching slippers, we see the full Enquirer headline: “Kevin Wants..BRITNEY FORCED INTO REHAB!”

This is a case of reading the small print. It may very well be the case that Kevin wants all manner of stuff – peace on Earth, a source of renewable, cheap fuel and a pendulous pair of breasts covered in a light orange down.

But for now the Enquirer concerns itself with Kevin’s wants for Britney.

A source tells us that Kevin has threatened to take way the couple’s children. He has pleaded with her. He has, as the magazine reports, even teamed up with Britney’s mum Lynne to get the singer to put on some knickers and get a grip on her life.

A source says that when K-Ferret heard Britney had collapsed on New Year’s Eve he “frantically tried” to reach her.

But where was she? Lynne knew. And she told K-Ferret. Britney was staying at Arizona’s Sanctuary Spa and Resort.

The Enquirer dips into Britney’s notes and tells us about her recent drinking and going out. It makes mention of Lindsay Lohan, the actress who is taking the air and waters at Los Angeles’ Wonderland rehabilitation centre.

Why this should be of relevance is not made clear. And while we look for some explanatory small print, a source says that Kevin is thinking over Britney’s offer to pay him $20million in exchange for custody of the couple’s two children.

To us, this seems like a fair price. At $10million a head, Sean Preston and Jayden James do not come cheap.

But then, neither does rehab…

Posted: 3rd, February 2007 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink