When Breasts Attack! – What Killed Anna Nicole Smith?
IS Woody Allen setting the news agenda?
The Mirror’s front page promises an unusual experience: “Did boob jobs kill Anna Nicole?”
Anna Nicole is Anna Nicole Smith, and having perished in uncertain circumstances in Florida last week the Mirror is bringing the might of its investigative know how to bear on the case.
Was Anna killed by her breasts? Anna, known from hereon in as “tragic Anna”, “may have been killed by the stress of TWO boob jobs”.
A look at Anna’s medical history reveals tales of five breast operations, an alphabet of cosmetic surgery as Anna yo-yoed between C-cups, E-cups, F-cups and FF-cups.
If Anna’s breasts did kill her, who could blame them? After so much abuse and years of living in fear of the knife, Anna’s breasts could blame it on an act of self-defence and diminished responsibility. No court in the land would convict them.
If Anna’s breasts could only talk what tales they would tell.
As the Sun shows, Anna’s breasts have not only known the feeble touch of an ancient billionaire oil man but have been leaned on by diplomats.
The Sun’s picture shows Anna lying on a bed with Shane Gibson, immigration minister for the Bahamas – where, coincidentally, Smith was given fast-track residency. It was on the Bahamas that Anna gave birth to her child Danielynn.
But as Anna’s breasts are squashed and suffocated by a Caribbean politico, the Star brings an alternative explanation for the model’s demise. We are introduced to “ANNA’S KILLER DRUGS FRIDGE”.
A fridge that can kill? What evil is this? And we peel open the fridge door and peer within.
“The Star’s “shocking” picture shows a fridge at Smith’s Bahamas mansion “packed” with methadone, the heroin substitute.
There, beside the cans of Slim-Fast shakes, vials of Miracle 2000 food supplement and yoghurt is a pot labelled “METHADONE”.
So much for packed. If you want to see something bursting at the seams, Star readers can get a load of Anna’s chest, which is trying to escape from her rhinestone leotard.
Is it trying to tell us something? What does Anna’s chest know? And will we ever find out..?
Posted: 13th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
