The Queen II – Helen Mirren Does Camilla
DAME Helen Mirren, Queen of Hollywood, is eating.
Few of us have ever seen the real Queen put anything in her mouth, it being her right to dine exclusively before tables of invited guests and in her garden.
Unsurprising, then, that Mirren shovelling a burger into her maw should occupy the Mirror’s front page. This is the “BURGER QUEEN”. It’s “Dame Helen’s Oscar munchies”.
Over in the Star it’s the “QUEEN AT TUCK HOUSE”, with the paper identifying the Mirren murder burger as a cheese burger. It is washed down with a glass of champagne.
So the Queen eats. And if you want to see her whip her top off for Miss July, smoke a fag and have an affair, then you can check out Queen Mirren’s other works.
And very soon you may see the Queen dressed in a pair of tight jodhpurs, brandishing a whip and commanding an audience with Ye Olde Royale Tampon, aka Charles Windsor. As the Sun’s headline announces: “Mirren: I want to play Camilla.”
Queen Mirren does not want to play Camilla at crown green bowls or even at croquet, nor does she want to play Camilla like a mandolin. Helen wants to play Camilla on film. Mirren wants to do for Camilla what she has done for the Queen.
Says Mirren: “I am fascinated by the notion of playing Camilla. It made me ashamed for my country that people could be so venal and nasty.”
Quite what Mirren means by this is unclear, a situation not aided by the Sun which lets matters lie there.
Of course, we realise that Mirren is not calling Camilla names but referring to her critics.
Camilla is a decent sort. Indeed, the Express has a picture of Camilla, formerly known as the wicked step-mother, sworn enemy to our Princess of Hearts, having her hair tossed about in the wind.
This is “Camilla’s bad heir day”. And on visit to Bahrain, the Express looks on as Camilla and Charles – “the hapless couple” – are buffeted by a sandstorm.
The wind whips up something terrible. It blows Camilla’s green tunic up her back. Camilla’s private secretary steps forward to hold on to the billowing garments.
But is it too late? Have we seen enough? What is that strapping device in studs and taffeta?
Is Dame Helen about to embark on her greatest challenge to date..?
Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
