Anorak News | Middleton Volleys And Prince William Is Missing

Middleton Volleys And Prince William Is Missing

by | 17th, April 2007

prince-william-topless.jpgUNUSUAL of the Express to place its front-page headline “32 SHOT DEAD BY JEALOUS GUNMAN” alongside a picture of Kate Middleton holding a tennis racket.

On one side massed death and on the other a smiling Kate making time amid the carnage for a game of bat and ball. Kate’s a girl who keeps a cool head in a crisis.

“IT’S ADVANTAGE MISS MIDDLETON,” says the Express. “Kate serves up a smile…but where’s William?”

Ooer? Where is Wills? The most obvious place to look is in one of the darker corners at Elements nightclub, Bournemouth. But he’s not there.

“Students lined up against wall and executed,” says the Express.

Where’s Wills?

“Kate’s show of strength,” says the Express on Page 3. “Wills is real loser, say friends.” A friend of Kate’s says the split was by mutual consent. “Kate is made of sterner stuff. She is gorgeous, great fun and a catch for anyone. It is his loss.”

“Should William have married Kate?” asks the Express. Readers are invited to call in and vote “Yes” or “No”.

It is not believed the results of the phone poll will influence William and Kate in any way but you can never tell. And the rate of 25p from a BT landline is surely a small price to pay for the future King’s chance of happiness.

But where is Wills? While Kate brandishes her new racket, the hunt goes on.

The Express kills time by producing “THE ROYAL REJECTS”. Reading this Kate will find out what happened to Prince Charles’s former loves.

Lady Jane Wellesley, Charles’s girlfriend of 18 months, didn’t want another title. What happened to her? The Express does not say. Like William, she too is missing.

The paper has better luck locating Davina Sheffield. She married a stockbroker. Amanda Knatchbull dated Charles on and off for five years and is said to have refused his proposal “gently” and “immediately”. She married a property developer. And then there is, as ever. Princess Diana. Her whereabouts is a matter of heated debate and conspiracy theory.

So Kate’s future is clear. But where is William?

Frustratingly, we do not get an answer to this question. And all the Express can throw up is a file photo of Wills in his Army fatigues.

We invite readers to cut it out and stick it to a lamppost, a nightclub door or a Brazilian girl’s bra.

Wills, if you are reading this, get in touch….

Posted: 17th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink