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Big Brother’s Bolshevik Gameshow And Carole’s Dolly Dealer

by | 21st, June 2007

BEFITTING his Geordie roots, Big Bother’s Liam McGough wept.

Liam, who has tended former Newcastle United manager Sir Bobby Robson’s garden, has not set his gaze upon the Gallowgate or Alan Shearer. He has been handed £100,000 cash.

The Sun says this is all part of a “desperate attempt” to win back millions of lost viewers. But how giving away a load of cash in a minute will achieve that is not enlarged upon. Perhaps viewers will tune in to see how Liam spends his winnings. Although with no shops or pubs in the house, Liam can roll it up and smoke it, repaper the lounge in a regal motif or stash it in Charley’s knickers draw.

What we got was Carole, Seány and Jonathan taking part in the world’s least glitzy game show.

As ever there was a question. But no grandstanding. No hype. Big Brother did not shake his wattle and like Chris Tarrant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? and follow the official question with a series of his own puzzlers (“Is that your final answer? Are you sure? Sure? Tee-hee. Sure..?”).

No Dusty Bin riddles. No screams of Crackerjack! or being asked to put a word before “Blankety Brother”. No darts player staying out of the black and into the red, getting nothing in this game for two in a bed.

Jonathan was Des O’Connor. Seány was Timmy Mallett. And Carole was the dolly dealer.

There was just the question – “Who should get the money?” – and a minute to answer. It was the game show giveaway pared down to its bare bones. If the Bolsheviks had invented a game show this would have been it.

But it was a quiz. And there was a right answer to the question. And it was Liam. And a wrong answer: Laura.

Carole and Seany decided it would not be Wangers. Jonathan suggested Amanda. Carole said Ziggy. Seány was weeping inside, wondering why he has been put up for eviction. Seány is Mr Fun. “Are you laughing?” asks Seány as he pulls off your duvet. “Are you laughing NOW?” he asks as he fills your shoes with wet toilet paper. “What about NOW? Laugh! Laugh! Laugh!”

They settle upon Liam. Why is not explained, unusual for a show that invites contestants to explain their reasons for nominating, finding new ways to say “Because I hate them!”

“I’ve got to have a minute,” says Liam. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

We do…



Posted: 21st, June 2007 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink