Anorak News | Air In A G String: Big Brother’s Chanelle’s Plays Up

Air In A G String: Big Brother’s Chanelle’s Plays Up

by | 26th, July 2007

chanelle-hayesa.jpgYOU are doubtless wondering about Chanelle Hayes, the Big Brother housemate who may well be Victoria Beckham’s only fan.

Right now, Chanelle is going head-to-head with her idol to see which of them can achieve the most media coverage. Anorak has been keeping a running tally and thanks to Chanelle’s meltdown in the Dairy Room she is now in the lead by the length of a Penelope Cruz eyelash. It’s a significant gap but if Posh can dig out a new dress she may well regain the lead.

But before that, there more news of Chanelle. The Star delivers its bulletin in bald terms:” CHANELLE: BB FEARS FOR HER SANITY.”

Chanelle is going mad. She is being driven mad by Charley Uchea (favourite to leave with Anorak’s free bet), who arrived in the house with the distinct advantage of being bonkers already.

“I want to go home,” says Chanelle in the Diary Room. “I just can’t take it any more. Charley’s making my life hell.” “Chanhell,” says the Mirror.

The Sun says Chanelle is “highly strung”. It’s a pun on her violin playing.

The housemates were invited to showcase their talent, the one they had mentioned on their Big Brother CVs.

Liam played the piano. Brian rapped. “I can sing, dance and I can style onions,” said Carole. She then sang a version of Stairway To Heaven by Led Zeppelin. No onions were hurt in the recording but there was barely a dry eye in the house.

And then Chanelle was invited to play the violin. But she didn’t want to. Such was the length of Chanelle’s hissy fit at being asked to do what she claimed many wondered if she had embellished her resume a little.

Many have. Most of us add an extra GCSE or, as one Anorak writer did, include a sections on how they had won a gold medal with the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme, featuring a canoe hewn from a felled tree and a plumbing a well in the Gobi desert.

Who would dare to claim to play the violin? Only a fool. So here was Chanelle in a tizz. She would go home if they made her play. She would walk. Anything but that she wailed.

“I can’t do it,” says Chanelle to Big Brother. “I’m scared.” Words that resonated with the viewers. There is only on instrument more terrible than a badly played violin and that is the recorder. Tracey looks like she can belt out a tune on one, while dressed in a jester’s hat and leading the rats out of the stack. But she was a judge on the Big Brother talent show and so bereft of all talent.

This was Chanelle’s moment. And having played up, she played on. She picked up the violin. She scratched out Spring from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. Good show, although she never seemed to escape April and its drizzle showers as she contorted her face and wept.

But Chanelle knows her strengths. And from a ruined C string, she pulled up her skirt and showed musos her impressive G string. Eat yer heart out Nigel Kennedy.

Posted: 26th, July 2007 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink